Updated: Nov 28, 2017
Today feels new. Last week felt new. There's this new calm, new peace, new grace between me with me.
I hit a final wall with my wrestle with anxiety. Or so I hope. But I felt this white flag waiving last Tuesday. I crumbled down, which is not unusual when you are in the valley, as Glennon (Doyle Melton) says, or healing or finding your true authentic light again.... all of this, you hold your self up plenty of times to cry over the kitchen sink. But there was this bigger, I had HAD it, shift.
I looked up and yelled to God, "I GIVE UP!"
And apparently, that is perfect.
Learning how to live single again. Learning how to mother single. Relearning so many pieces of who I always was. Discovering who I am right now at 43. I am sure all of you reading who have gone through divorce, or a big move, an illness, a death,.... know what I mean. It's a lot and I really wish I had not been so impatient with my healing and adjusting so early on.
I honestly thought, once I moved out and our paper work was final it would be like the clouds parting and all new easy energy would swoop in. Um...... no. It was just the next level of the pain, overwhelm, newness everywhere, all while maintaining your day to day - week to week for your job and kids. Ba-na-nas. And gorgeous. And new. And wonder. And brand new set of eyes. And heart exploding in joy. And new worries and fear creeping in.
More on all of this in future posts. Because TODAY there is a new dance. A new flow. A new readjustment to how I run my day to day. I had let post it lists, and my planner with days filled, and this push to plan it all out and get it all done. My usual routine to chasing goals, being mom, running my business.... but it was fueled unbalanced and with a tainted darkness under neath. And last week, the month of October with sick kids, their dad sick twice, my body wrestling odd symptoms from overwhelm and over do, and high stress and I broke.
Breaking is like a huge exhale. It hurts and you fall, but it also feels like a huge relief. I kept visioning a white flag. I keep seeing my as a boat with my sails now down. Sitting there peacefully in still water.
So here's to new ways. Wobbly legs on new paths. Deepening your faith. Redirecting who or what is driving your car, your soul, your heart. And the time in between letting go of old habits and patterns that you know no longer serve you, and developing new that only align, and magnify your heart and love and grace to serve your world big and small.
And here are oils to help that:
Wild Orange + Frankincense: anchors us in the NOW
Peppermint: oil of the boyant heart
Hope Blend: Oil of Over Coming
Balance Blend or Anchor Blend: Ground and Anchor into this New
Any Flower oil: For love love love