“When the road gets rocky girl just steady as we go” DMB
I have have nothing but steady this week. Something about starting the week with a scalp all stabbed up, and aching, from getting my head hit twice on Sunday. Once, a big gauge from my surfboard, then later that night, the window frame near my bed.
I keep dropping shit. Spilling stuff. I tripped …more then usual. I have been tired and feel defeated under it all. But! …there has been this resurgence of this tiny flicker of hope. It’s new, renewed. It’s leading me on a clearer more confidant path. This firefly size of glow. It’s specific, it’s knowing….And all of it is making me dizzy
I have taken the time to not just pause, but literally STOP. I really do practice what I preach, otherwise I will return to living a life that is not mine again. To please anyone and everyone else and push past day after day. To leave my self worth in the dust again, and trust me, I am NEVER doing that again
What I have discovered is more transformation. Literally co teaching a workshop on Grounding this week. Sitting in my garden. Oils and meditation daily. Letting the tears fall. Feeling the tenderness of my heart. Though really unsteady feeling, there has been a deeper anchor
Our hardships and changing. Our becoming. Our refining. Our remembering are all met with deeper rooting. It’s not so devastating anymore. The dark days actually feel quite cozy too. Because I know there are things I am healing, letting go, shedding.
Trust me, at 45 I am so over it. I am impatient. I feel like I should have all this figured out by now. I am kicking and screaming I have to do it single. And yet, I feel like I am 30 on most days, with my two girls by my side, newly embarking on creating our best life. OH so perfectly actually…
If you are in more molding and shifting. Sorting and becoming… Know I am with you. Whew. And yet, It’s life. And when we ask and charge after our best life, it might shake up some shit.