Friday and Saturdays are my full days with our kids. Sunday late morning and Mondays with their dad, and during the week we half/half the days because he works nights and my doTERRA job is super flexible. This is also due to living island life away from all family.
In the beginning, first separated into newly divorced, I would plan our Saturdays. Pressure ON. My one FULL day and a half with them with no school, or swapping homes. Let's make it SO SPECIAL. Naila used to take a dance and art class, until she backed out of that. Have I told you about each child? I don't think so here on the blog. I'll get to that too... but let's just say Naila Lucia is our Moon child, came out of my womb speaking her immediate needs, knowing exactly what she wants and definately does not want.... every second of every day. Yeah, and I had her at 40. (sigh) Anyway...
After of months of dragging them to planned meet ups, beach, park, crafts I had prepared..... Like with my whole schedule, I realized, this too I need to let go.
Here's the problem with planning, and trust me I know, I have had a planner since I was 9, and used to LOVE obsessively planning my week, my year, my goals, KNOWING where I would be where & when. Time blocking got me excited. List making still gives me a rush along with my basket of various post it notes, jars of every kind of pen, baskets of desk and office supplies. Suffice to say when I walk into a Staples or Office Depot I have to poop.
Planning is NOT doing. Planning is NOT Be-ing. Planing does NOT secure your future. Planning does not get rid of change. Planning actually increases anxiety and robs me of artistry, of joy, of better self respect. I would spend more hours planning then actually doing. (enter the eye roll emoji, my FAV emoji). Planning in all areas of my life, just started NOT working any more. So many reasons, which now I can see deserves it's own post, but let's just say 3 & 7. Parents you know. How many times did you set up that craft or activity or... and your kids lasted about 15 minutes! 15 frigging minutes and in your head, you were imagining a half day of delight.
So many things are different now. And unplanning has become a huge one. More very very LOOSE planning with lots of wiggle room for hour by hour adjustments. THAT has become my exhale, peace giving, best way to take care of the 3 and 7 year old and....me! as a newish co-parenting mom.
More present moment decisions with them too.
How are they feeling? What's the day feel like? How did we each sleep? What do we WANT to do? How can we come together. How can we go off on our own. How is this day going. Do we need to zig or zag??
With an active 3 year old and an old soul 7 year old, and a 43 year old trying to figure this all out...I let go.
And days like today I will file in my back pocket permanently. It was filled with the usual pull and tug, some tears and bickers. And screen time late morning I had to peel them away from. But also it was filled with about 20 hugs from Naila. And deep conversations with Daysha. Filled with evening holiday music while they play together! as I type this up so as not to forget. A huge fort we built and a spontaneous dance party. A full on session of playing school and baby and mama and grandma. A few chores that big girl willingly asked to do and delicious snacking and mini meals and a big dinner with ice cream at the end ... food planning also left to spontaneity, which is actually easy with my simple eaters. A matinee of "Coco" that provoked more deep conversations with Daysha, then soothing over tears from her fears the movie provoked while we were also entertained by awesome observations from Naila that made us laugh so hard.
It was filled to the BRIM with us being with us. Each moment and rolling with what came best we could and rerouting as we wanted. Perfect? Absolutly NOT. As I am back here editing this, it ended with a tantrum from Naila and her fighting her bed time for an hour. Also tossed and turned all night because she probably needed a nap she never got. But still, I am smiling about the day as a whole. It's in my heart forever.
So here's to less and slower and presence and MORE be-ing here now.
Ah. It's such a relief. So much more on this as I apply it EVERYWHERE, thanks to a big battle with anxiety and panic and health calling me to step it UP, I am answering immediately these days after trying to fight it all year.
Co-Parting. Newly Divorced. Living an ocean away from family. Being an entrepreneur,
being a soul to soul connection seeker. Addicted to truth and healing and finding my best life. Addicted to helping others connect to their true self and live their best lives...
It all starts right this second. It all starts with me with me and me with my kids in my home.
If this seems so foreign, do this.... imagine your life in 3 years. In 10 years. Cra Cra right? These calculations of my age and my kids age helped me CALM the F down! This feels like a blink so often and Naila's sweet squeaky voice and Daysha's sheer innocence and pure LOVE will certainly transform. I know we truly never know, but also we have so much time. And all the beautiful connection with all for me have been through truth. Through revealing my heart. Though just be-ing what ever that is. WE are so never ever alone.